Roman Polanski Gets New Ankle Bracelet Accessory

*  Opps, Britney Spears might be headed for another pink-wig wearing break down.  The serial bride supposedly proposed to her manager-boyfriend Jason Trawick, and was rejected. What an idiot. If he just said "yes," he would have been set for life -- a life filled with strippers, gambling, and deep-fried Twinkies like husband number two, Kevin Federline, after the inevitable divorce. 

*  Ack, where's the brain bleach? Four years before Gossip Girl hunk Chase Crawford found instant stardom, the then 18-year-old hunky college freshman reportedly had a steamy, sex-filled romance with model/actress Shauna Sands, the ex-wife of Lorenzo Lamas and May 1996 Playmate who is 14 years his senior!  Let this be a lesson to you, young Hollywood: The things you stick your peen in will always come back to haunt you.

*  Katie Holmes ruins everything--even movies she's not starring in. Katie and a group of her girlfriends caught the latest Twilight flick over the weekend and gabbed throughout the whole movie, "Wow, look at Taylor Lautner's abs. So that's what a grown-ass man looks like with his shirt off. Hey, how come he doesn't make Kristen Stewart put on a sailor suit and hum the theme song to West Side Story before they kiss like I have to?" Clearly the only way to shut Katie up is to make her stand next to Tom Cruise.

*  Mariah Carey must gotten bored during the flight to London and used her free time to think up insane new demands for an appearance on England's GMTV. The number of people in her entourage outnumbered the entire GMTV crew and she had two people to lower her on to the sofa, in case her dress got crushed. One person  walked in front of her backwards at all times in case she fell over and several people behind the camera making sure she was going to be filmed from the right angle. And she brought her own toilet roll! Of course, Mariah brought her own toilet paper.  Most bathroom stalls don't have her brand of TP--you know, the kind with a picture of Independence Hall on one side and Benjamin Franklin on the other. But give her credit for not bringing along someone to actually wipe her ass for her. Hubby Nick Cannon must have gotten time off for good behavior.

*  Dying has been better for Michael Jackson's estate than a 401k hedge fund.  The infamous glittery white glove he wore during his Motown 25 performance in 1983 fetched $350,000 at an auction.  But if you think that's a lot of money, just wait until his most valuable accessory goes on sale: his nose.

*  Knock, knock it's karma calling! Lindsay Lohan's diva behavior is about to bite her in the ass. After demanding $14,000 in free clothing from Kitson a few weeks ago, it seems the boutique didn't really appreciate her hissy fit. Says a spokesman, "We're actually really offended. We spent $50,000 on her leggings line, but she hasn't come to the store in three years, and she didn't even do a personal appearance. She should have brought cookies for the staff to thank them for selling her leggings because she does nothing. We don't know if we'll continue to carry them.”  Wait a minute, Kitson spent ,$50,000 on Lindsay's line of leggings? As in dollars!? There's really no way to defend spending that kind of money. Who the hell is running that store, Congress?

*  If you thought it was awkward when your parents sat you down for "the talk" when you were a kid, imagine if your mom had to explain her sex tape to you. TMI!  Pam Anderson told a British television show about how she had to tell her two young sons (ages 11 and 12) about the raunchy home video she made with ex-hubby Tommy Lee. Sorry Pam, but finding out about your sex tape isn't what clued in your kids to your sordid past -- your giant fake tits and daily dose of hep C meds took care of that a long time ago.

*  "Gosselin-mania" may FINALLY be waning. Besides the show ending, Jon and Kate Gosselin's separate pitches to keep their money machines churning have mutually hit big roadblocks. Kate Gosselin’s proposals to several toy manufacturers — for a line of ”eco-friendly” playthings — have not been met with any enthusiasm. Ditto for her idea for a ”mom-friendly” line of beauty products for busy mothers. And despite lots of chatter — generated by Jon Gosselin himself — none of the rumored new reality shows he would front are gaining any traction with cable network honchos. We've got a surefire idea for them -- Gosselin brand contraceptives! Yeah, baby, yeah.

*  Because $4.5 million far outweighs the fact that Roman Polanski raped a 13-year-old girl 32 years ago, Swiss courts have approved his bail offer. He will be released from prison and moved to a Swiss chalet where he’ll be electronically monitored. Sure, Polanski fled on the eve of his sentencing and has lived in exile like a king for the past three decades, but we think he’s changed. There's no way he’ll take off his electronic monitor and run again. Anyway, jail is not much different than the mansions he’s used to. The only difference is the butler’s beat you with batons and house guests like to corner and try to have sex you on the Chippendale furniture.

By Paige Muller 

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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