This Tiger Woods Story Just Keeps Getting Crazier And Crazier

What started out as the "Amazing Non-Story of Tiger Woods' Car Accident" turned into "Caddy Shack 2: When Scorned Wives Attack" over the weekend faster than you can yell "fore!"

Golfer Tiger Woods was seriously injured in a car accident on Friday after crashing his Escalade into a fire hydrant outside of his house around 2:25 am and then driving into a tree.

At first, it was reported that Tiger’s wife Elin Nordegren heard the crash from inside the couple's mansion and came out to aid her husband –carrying a golf club. She then used the golf club to break open the rear window of the car to rescue Tiger.

But that story had more holes than a golf course.

According to sources, Elin went all Angry Jack Nicholson on Tiger's SUV after she got wind of rumors that Tiger:

(A) "....had to pull his putter out of another hole."
(B) "....was getting his balls washed on another course."
(C) "....got busted hitting a new back nine."
(D) "....took a few too many strokes back there."
(E) "....had hired a new caddy to organize his clubs

and by 'caddy' we mean  'mistress.' And by 'organize' we mean 'have sex with,' and by 'clubs' we mean 'penis.'"

The National Enquirer says, "We're told he said his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We're told it was then Woods beat a hasty
retreat for his SUV — but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club."

Rawr! Guess we know who the real tiger is in the Woods household!

Tiger can't say "I'm sorry" until the swelling on his lip goes down, but he knows it'll take more than a simple apology to get Elin to forgive his possibly cheating ass.

Over the weekend, TMZ reported that during a phone conversation with some friend, Tiger said that his wife had "gone ghetto" on him and that he had "to run to Zales to get a 'Kobe Special," a reference to the mega-bling that Los Angeles Laker Kobe Bryant laid on his wife Vanessa following his rape trial in Colorado.

Zales? For this situation, Tiger better get to Jared.

If you like it put a bigger ring on it
If you like it put a bigger ring on it
I'll be mad if that box says "Zales" on it
I'll putt it up your butt with your 8-iron, git!

Woh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

The golf world, and more importantly, his sponsors await a more sanitized version of the sudsy drama from Woods' people so they can move past this as quickly as possible in order to maintain the illusion that Woods' only flaws are his super-competitive nature and his foul-mouthed temper on the golf course. Especially Gillette. It's tough to have a million-dollar razor pitchman with a mangled face.

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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