Up Next: Piven Vs Katherine Heigl For Title "Biggest Douche-Nozzle"

You know what's been missing from the tabloids lately?  A good old fashioned, pointlessly  random celebrity beef.

So since Lindsay Lohan hasn't gone back to dating dudes, checked into rehab, stolen anything or had a public screaming match with Sam Ronson (yet), Jeremy Piven and ex-SNL alum Chris Kattan thankfully stepped in to fill the void. 

The tiny twosome got into a playground tussle at the taping of Alexa Chung's MTV show (because nothing says "youth" and "fashion" like those two), when Kattan put down his sippy cup, toddled over to Piven and asked, “So, what are you here to promote, your Broadway play?” 

Referring of course to the play Piven famously dropped out of  last year because of alleged mercury poisoning. Yeah, pretty fishy if you ask us and anybody else on the face of God's green earth.

Surprisingly, Piven didn't handle the situation with what you'd call a "sense of humor," which is kind of amusing for a man with CPU on his resume and a career based on dialogue that's 96% insults and d**k jokes.

Piven climbed off his Big Wheel and fired back, "Well, what are you here to promote? Mango?"

Ohhhh, TODDLER FIGHT! Don't make Piven angry. You won't like him when he's angry. Someone get an adult.

They went at it like little girlie-men until Piven threw sand in Chris' eyes and made him cry by making fun of his "in the gutter" career. Because acting like a WWE wrestling dummy to promo your latest Oscar contender is soooo much more respectable, right Jer? Don't hurt yourself climbing down off your high horse.

Chris tried to apologize, saying he thought they were just kidding around and offered to share his Motts juice box, but Piven shouted, "I'm getting sued for that shit! It's not funny!" before grabbing his dolly and going off to sulk in a corner.

Good thing too, because it probably would have descended into an all out slap-fight and you know Jeremy was afraid Chris would pull a Real Housewives of Atlanta and try to yank out his hair plugs.

Since Piven has been promoting The Goods with every breath he can muster this month, he’d definitely be up for getting his name in the papers any way he can, so we kind of wonder if this whole thing wasn't a publicity stunt, like Bruno's balls in Eminem's face. But by the time we finished writing that sentence, we realized we didn't really care all that much. Chris was probably just happy to be involved in something that didn't include the words "dead" and "hooker" in the headline.

Everyone's a winner!

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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